Meesha Sharma

13 months postpartum and I have come to the conclusion that the system is entirely rigged against women. Can’t breastfeed? Oh you formula-feed? Still breastfeeding?! Get your kid on a daycare-waitlist as soon as you can!

You fight hard to build your milk supply, dodge unwelcome opinions, and suddenly one day you have to give up your most precious bond of breastfeeding your baby to prepare them for time away from you. Time away from me!? *eyes well up*

Even after a year, my body is still pudgy in places. My shoulders and tailbone are perpetually aching from caregiving. But the deepest dent fell on my mental health, which is still scarred from the toxic treatment that new mothers in South Asian families undergo. The final blow came when my mother and sister were both diagnosed with serious illnesses one after another.

Faith shook. Trust shook. Relationships shook. What still counts? My sweet bubba boy who counts on me every day to bring him giggles and snuggles and fun games and sweet songs. My little boy held me together and frankly held a lot of us together in this trying period.

The point I am trying to make is that new mothers go through a whirlwind of emotions and tribulations in the first year of motherhood. When they finally emerge from the haze, its time to suit up, don the war paint and show up in the world like the past 12 months were nothing.

The first year of motherhood didn’t “pass.” It undid me, chipped the soft edges, and remade me. It demanded I be everything, everywhere, all at once — and then return to normal on schedule.

So here’s what I’m choosing instead with my second pregnancy and postpartum leave.

I’m choosing to mother myself alongside my child. I’m choosing boundaries that will disappoint people. Rest that won’t be “earned.”

If you’re in the haze right now — if you feel like you’re breaking, or failing, or falling behind — please hear this: you’re not behind. You’re doing something massive with very little protection.

And if you’re a family member reading this: don’t just “support” a new mother with advice. Support her with food, sleep, softness, and fewer opinions. Protect her the way you protect a newborn.