Is there a loss greater than losing your mother.. not having her during your life’s most important and challenging moments, softly reassuring that everything will be all right or dropping everything to come help you. It’s a searing pain that chokes up your throat and wells up your eyes every time you stumble upon a video or image of her, shining in her full glory – kind, beautiful, so soft and gentle – just like her name Mridula, yet a supernova of fiery power who could rampage through patriarchy and raise four daughters solo. I’ve gleaned from different spiritual speakers that the soul chooses its life and the exact kind of hardship you need to face. I don’t see how I am resolving some karmic debt by experiencing this or how my soul is completing an important lesson on Earth school by facing such kind of pain, loss and absence. Maybe one day I will see it. But as a woman..as a daughter, all I seek is the presence of my mother in your life… I have strong roots thanks to her upbringing but I feel like I am flailing in the wind. I am staying resilient and withstanding the storms, but there is immense emotional burnout from just having it together. This second pregnancy without her is difficult. Although we were apart during my pregnancy and she was with me for just 3 months after I gave birth, I had her in the know about my journey…from the small flutter to the big cravings…she was a great listener. Ah do I miss her!